13 Mar It’s about so much more than sleep
Happy Motivation Monday people!
This is nowhere near my most polished piece but it is one of my more transparent pieces. Monday is my favorite day of the week, it’s my productivity day. It’s the day that I work to make sure that everything else in my week happens on time. For the last few weeks Mondays (honestly every day) has been rough.
If this is your first time reading any of my work or just hearing from you me, WELCOME! I am LeKeisha Grant, I write under LeKeisha Nicole, and I am the founder/ publisher of Ambition Magazine, author of Be Ambitious, creator of Ambitious & Annoyed and co-owner of Transformers Fitness. I also have Multiple Sclerosis and that’s what I really want to talk about today, because it is National MS Awareness month and this is what is making my life rough right now. So in general, I’m extremely blessed because I don’t have a lot of constant symptoms and even the ones that I deal with are very manageable. One thing that I deal with constantly is fatigue.
I was talking to a friend yesterday and realizing how much my inability to discuss what is going on with me is contributing to my current struggle. So when I was diagnosed about 5 years ago I made a decision that my entire life would not be able this illness. I was not going to become a victim of this circumstance. I just wanted to live my life bring awareness and work with the association but I didn’t want to be the woman with MS, oh and her name is LeKeisha. I wanted to be LeKeisha the writer, publisher, entrepreneur and all things great and ambitious. For the most part I have been able to achieve that.
Here lately my fatigue has been terrible. It is also the most frustrating thing to discuss with people. People will ask me what’s wrong with me and I’ll say, “man this fatigue is really bad right now.” More often than not I have someone tell me how they are sleepy as well, or how they didn’t go to bed early enough or there’s always the suggestion for me to get more rest. I intentionally, don’t explain myself to people because I don’t have to but this is the most annoying response. I also never wanted to make my whole life about MS. Constantly trying to tell someone about the fact that it’s more than being sleepy is exhausting. It also puts me in a position where it’s taking over my life because I can’t just say oh this is how I’m feeling, I have to then explain it to you. Then I get mad because you don’t know the difference fatigue and being sleepy. I sleep 6-8 hours every night! I work so hard to make sure that I get that amount of sleep because I need it, especially during this time. So on average I try to stop working around 11 so that I can realistically be sleep by midnight. I then wake up naturally about 7:45. The earliest I wake up is 6:30/ 6:45. By 11am, I am exhausted like I have worked a 12 hour shift. To make it to 11 is a good day, some days it’s like that by 9am and I never wake up like really to attack the world. I am constantly drained. It’s not a lack of sleep, diet doesn’t help, only thing that has ever helped me is a pill. A know someone will read this and say then just take the pill. I do when I have to interact with others majority of my day but I don’t like the thought of constantly being on some type of medication. I already take my MS therapy every day. I’m 32, I have no desire to take 10 pills every day so I function without it. Right now, as I type this it’s about 3pm, I can barely keep my eyes open to type this but my day has barely begun. I will try to work until at least 8, preferably 11. Going to sleep will not change this feeling. The only thing that will change is that I will have lost the time that I spent in my bed.
So above I said I deal with this constantly! That’s partially true. It is a weekly occurrence, not always daily. There are some days I can power through and have all the energy in the world but those are few and far between, and the intensity is not always as strong as it is today.
I say all of this to say, fatigue isn’t a ‘big’ word for being sleepy. You don’t have to fix it, you don’t have to help, you don’t have to compare and compete, just understand that there is something wrong and leave it at that.